Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
