forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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