She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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