Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need to get me chipped asap
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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