I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
