Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize