no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
