i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
