anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
