Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
