You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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