Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
