My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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