Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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