All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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