Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
