You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have fence marks all over my body
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
