dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
