Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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