you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
