I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
