hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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