so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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