1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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