Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
