I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
try to milk me bitch
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