I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
