i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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