You're completely useless in the revolution.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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