Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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