U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
