So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
