I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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