wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
