so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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