My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was like eating out sand paper
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
