The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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