Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
vagina is talking i cant
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
