Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
