does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
