So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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