Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize