Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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