All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
