i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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