i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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