It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
