chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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