Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
