It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
