Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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