I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
