Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
