Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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