just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
