I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
