if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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