You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
