i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
