I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
