Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
