Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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