i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
