i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
