I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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