Your face is a jimmy john
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
