Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
birth control should be required to get into college
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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