the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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