when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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