p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
