i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This toilet bowl is my home.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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