Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize