So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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