I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
