xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
