i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
