I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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