I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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