obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
