I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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