Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
