new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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